Single & Waiting, By Mary A. Adepoju – A Review

If I sound passionate in this review of Dr. Mary Adeyinka Adepoju’s book, ‘Single & Waiting’, know that it is because I cannot help it.

I told her that as someone who analyses and writes always, I can be quite brutal, but with a soft edge to it, but I will let you the audience decide.

Many of us have had to wait for direction, action and the way forward in our lives. This book is an attempt to show us how not to fritter opportunities or pine away our life, or be angry and ask ‘why me?’

The easiest thing to do when something you are waiting for does not seem to be coming is to sink into despair, because of your lack of perseverance and patience. But Mary has taken us through a study in ‘Patience’, as the word, ‘Patience’ aptly describes the ‘waiting’ which Mary is trying to pass across to us in this book.

Note that ‘Patience’, as a word, is derived from the Italian word, ‘Pati’, which means to suffer; hence patience is actually the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, problems or suffering, without becoming annoyed or anxious. So to be patient demands some form of suffering which must be endured because of the expected or promised reward later.

However, this patient or waiting period should help discerning singles in a journey of self discovery which will enable them know their strengths and weaknesses so that they can identify opportunities and threats to their purpose when they come. This, to me, is the concise plot in ‘Single and Waiting’ and I find it extremely powerful and impactful.

Mary’s early training, family relationships and support can be linked with the virtue of patience, which have obviously provided her with self-control, humility and tolerance that have helped her to live well and happy, in spite of the stay in the waiting room. While patience can be one of the most challenging fruits of the Spirit to cultivate and keep, the rewards are great, especially when backed with prayers.

As has been confirmed, apart from academic publications, this is Mary’s first book. Some of her experience here may have been told elsewhere by others before and may have happened to some of us here, but she has told her story with such freshness, intensity and authority that cannot be ignored.

If you are single and waiting, or you have someone in this situation, you will definitely benefit from this 80-page book which comprises seven chapters which take us, both single or married, male or female, through life’s journey, spiced up with her experience, questions and advice on how to lead your life when you are waiting for God’s blessing.

I find the first chapter headlined, ‘Single But Not Idle’, very intriguing and with such depth that anyone who reads it and remains the same is not ready to change. As an astute and wise person, Mary has used her waiting time to the fullest, instead of pining away and asking God, ‘Why me, Why me?’ It should serve as a journey of self-discovery which should bring positive result to a discerning person and to those who had even lost hope. It is a treatise of patience and perseverance, spiced with the belief that God takes care of His own, and that he or she who laughs last, laughs best.

A young woman or man, who is coming of age, especially in our environment, usually feels pressures, even from self, about who to relate with and how such relationship can lead to the type that brought him or her to life – a family of man, woman and children. Subtle or sometimes, snide comments, from family members, friends and even foes may sometimes lead to choices of partners that may sometimes not end well, because they were made under pressure.

If I was in a library or bookstore and came across this book on the shelf, I probably would not have taken it for obvious reasons – because I am not single and I am not waiting. In doing that, I would have done what every married man or woman in my state would have done – and it would have been a mistake. Why? This book is not only for an unmarried woman or man, but also for parents, siblings, relatives and friends.

Apart from her experience, Mary’s source materials for this book are impeccable and meet all my expectations. I do wish though that in that first chapter, she had told us more about what and how she engaged in her self-development academically, professionally and spiritually so that we can also learn what the challenges were. There was some titillation in the sub-headline, ‘My Story’ in the Second Chapter and I said, ‘here we are’, but it was quite short and I wonder why, because even though the book is not an autobiography, it could have enriched the presentation more. But I know that more books will come from her, and some of these queries will be answered. I am particularly waiting for the one to be titled, ‘Married, and Loving it’.

However, the book we are reviewing is ‘Single & Waiting’ and it answers some of the questions that marriage counsellors ask candidates in pre-marriage classes about what steps they have taken to achieve their marital dreams. Questions like:

1. Are you getting married because all your friends and peers are married?
2. Or is it because of family pressure?
3. Even when you have found someone, have you ensured you are ready and have met the right person?
4. Have you thought twice and hard about everything?
5. Is there love and friendship in the relationship and are you sure it will last till the end of time?

Many writers present what they want the world to see and approve but Mary’s effort is genuine. Single & Waiting is not just a story about Mary Adepoju. It is about all of us and about the larger society and there are indeed several lessons to learn from it as we fill the waiting period with several positive activities –

1. Do not dwell on self pity
2. Do not waste your time on regrets
3. Build a lasting career and aim for the top
4. Improve your life by continuous education
5. Develop the entrepreneurial spirit in you and soar
6. Engage in charity
7. Work for God

In Mary’s words: “Waiting does not mean you have to put your life on hold, until someone walks into your life”. So, do something useful for yourself, family, society and for God. That’s her message.

I should not say more than this, so that I don’t give away more of the wealth in Mary’s book. Suffice it to say that ‘Single and Waiting’ is spiced with several Biblical references and explanations from Church documents that provide it more credibility and authenticity. The book is therefore a must read for several youth and parent groups, schools, churches, facilitators and pre marriage counsellors who will find in the content a treasure trove.

I pray that the waiting for singles who follow the wisdom and advice in this book, will end in victory.

PS: Single & Waiting by Mary A. Adepoju was launched on Saturday, 16th July 2022 in Maryland, Lagos.

The Reviewer, Epa Ogie Eboigbe, veteran journalist, broadcaster and public affairs specialist, writes on, and analyses current and historical issues with a ‘wise pen’.